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    Couple’s Therapy After the Affair

    Facts About Cheating

    • Cheating in a relationship is the most commonly reported cause of divorce in the US.
    • It is estimated that between 20%-52% of couples experience infidelity in their lifetime.
    • The definition of affairs or cheating can vary widely and depends on the individuals in the relationship.
    • Affairs can be physical, emotional, or virtual. 
    • Other relational issues (low relationship satisfaction, less desire for each other, less sex) often occur before the affair.

    Impact of Affairs

    For the person who was cheated on, there can be a variety of negative effects, including:


    •  Reduced relationship satisfaction.
    •  Relationship distress, more fighting/arguing.
    • Feeling disconnected and distant.


    • Feelings commonly include betrayal, anger, shame, jealousy, fear, sadness, and confusion.
    •  Emotional dysregulation is especially acute immediately after disclosure of an affair.


    • No longer feeling safety, stability, control, and trust in the relationship.
    •  Paranoia regarding unfaithful partner’s future infidelities.
    •  It reduced self-confidence and self-esteem.
    •  Self-blame.
    •  Episodes of depression.
    •  PTSD-like symptomatology.


    •  Self-destructive behaviors.
    • Diminished performance at work.
    •  Hostile and/or vengeful feelings and behaviors toward the unfaithful partner.
    •  Hyper-vigilant surveillance behaviors and attempts at partner control.

    Physical Health 

    •  Sexually transmitted infections (STI).
    • Possible increase in physical symptoms (increased migraines, high blood pressure, etc.).
    • Difficulty sleeping, dreaming of the affair.

    For the person who cheated, there can be an increase in the following:

    • Feeling hopeless; like this can never be resolved.
    • Fear that this is not fixable and you are losing your partner.
    • Strong feelings of guilt and shame.

    So what do we do?

                It is possible to repair the damage done by infidelity. Repair begins with rebuilding trust and creating an environment that allows for connection. Though the process is different for each couple, most treatments involve working through the trauma of discovery experienced by the partner who was cheated on. Helping couples learn new tools to improve communication and ultimately creating a new and improved relationship dynamic that feels good for both partners. If your relationship has experienced betrayal and you want more information about how we can help, don’t hesitate to contact me today.

    If you are ready, schedule your first appointment today!